Illinois, here we come!

I am now entering week 23 of pregnancy.  I can't believe I have made it this far.  I believe I have felt a few of Lucia's little movements today, so I know she is still hanging in there!  The ultrasound this week revealed that she is about 230 grams (almost half a pound).  We are praying that she will make it to at least 450 grams.  The amniotic fluid is low (about 4cm), but the doctor seemed pleased that there was still fluid present. No signs of brain sparing appeared on the ultrasound, so maybe the oxygen and hydrotherapy is actually helping?  We hope!  Walking around the house with my 50 foot long oxygen cord has been a bit comical.  Poor Weston, new to the whole walking thing, keeps tripping over the cords and getting his feet caught in them.  The girls like to pick up the cord and put it up to their nose, imitating what mommy looks like. 

Thursday, Chris came home unexpectedly for lunch.  He brought us some food from a work luncheon and announced that he got the job in Illinois!  Hooray!  He applied for this job way back in April and was finally selected for the Budget Analyst position.  We are excited for a new adventure in a new place!  I am starting to feel very anxious though about the cold weather.  I have truly loved being able to wear flip flops all year long in Arizona.  I love never having to bundle the kids up to go outside.  I love never having to worry about driving in the snow or on black ice. I love not being cold.   Oh Arizona, I shall miss thee.  Yes, I get tired of your blue, cloudless skies, your 8 month long summer, your brown desert rock formations, your scorpions lurking in the dark, your rocks, rocks, and more rocks....but despite all that, I have loved it here.  I wouldn't be surprised if we decided to move back someday :)  We are all excited though for a change!  We love moving to new places!  Fortunately, we don't have to move till closer to the end of the year.  Depending on what happens with baby Lucia, I may have to stay behind for a few weeks if she is still in the NICU.  There are so many unknowns about how the next few months will play out.  We just have to take it one week at a time. 

22 Weeks - CAOS

I have now reached 22 weeks.  As I mentioned in my last post, things just keep going from bad to worse.  We had an ultrasound and consultation with the specialist last Tuesday.  He said that the baby is suffering due to CAOS (Chronic Abruption Oligohydramnios Sequence), which is highly uncommon and either results in a very premature baby or fetal death.  He said he sees this in maybe two to three patients a year.  I wish I understood more about CAOS, but basically it is characterized by large bleeding episodes, where baby appears to be fine and grow normally until suddenly amniotic fluid begins to decrease rapidly without any evidence of ruptured membranes.  At 15 weeks, the baby and fluid levels were totally fine after my huge bleed (SubChorionic Hemhorrage) at 13 weeks.  The specialist seemed very optimistic and said that unless CAOS happens, baby would be alright.  Sure enough, five weeks later, CAOS happened.  Baby isn't getting the nutrients and oxygen she needs from my placenta.  She is way behind on the growth charts.  She is in "brain sparing" mode right now, sending all that she has to her most vital organs (the brain, heart, and adrenals).  In an effort to help baby survive for a few more weeks till she can be delivered, the doctor prescribed oxygen and hydrotherapy.  So, now I am hooked up to oxygen 24/7, and I use my neighbor's pool to do hydrotherapy for 15 minutes twice a day.   We go back in on Wednesday to see how she is doing.  The doctor's goal is to get me to 24 weeks and then from there, who knows...maybe we could possibly make it to 28 weeks....which would be a miracle.  Even if we did make it to 24 weeks, Lucia is so small, not even a pound yet, that the outcome would not be good.  I am praying that she can hang on till she gets bigger and has a good chance of leading a good life, or that Heavenly Father can take her back home. I think she is such a fighter...the fact that she has hung on this long... she just might surprise us all :)  Right now, we are doing what we can to give her a chance, and leaving the rest in the Lord's hands. 

..."let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power, and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed."  - D&C 123:17     

I have now made it to week 21!  Every week we go to the doctor, they give us something new to worry about.  Chris and I are starting to realize that these frequent doctor visits aren't very helpful: they just bring us down.  At this stage in the pregnancy, there is not much they can do to help with anything...all we can do is wait and see.  The latest ultrasound showed that Lucia is only measuring 17 weeks (3 weeks behind).  The ultrasound tech sounded very grim about the whole thing and had us waiting for several minutes to talk to the specialist.  After 15 minutes, she came back in and said the doctor just wants us to schedule another ultrasound in two weeks.  We were like "what!? we don't even get to talk to the doctor about this!?"  Oh well, I am sure the only advice he would give us is to just wait and see.  We are still hopeful though!  I believe Lucia might just surprise us all!  The past few days, I have felt a strong assurance that whatever happens will be for the best.  Heavenly Father sees the bigger picture.  We can trust in him.   I have been reading and re-reading Elder Uchtdorf's talk, "Grateful in Any Circumstance."
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/grateful-in-any-circumstances?lang=eng

Quote:

We can choose to be like the Prophet Joseph Smith, who, while a prisoner in miserable conditions in Liberty Jail, penned these inspired words: 

“Dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.”

We can choose to be grateful, no matter what.

This type of gratitude transcends whatever is happening around us. It surpasses disappointment, discouragement, and despair. It blooms just as beautifully in the icy landscape of winter as it does in the pleasant warmth of summer.

When we are grateful to God in our circumstances, we can experience gentle peace in the midst of tribulation.


I am so grateful for my family.  I am grateful for my three beautiful, healthy children.  I am grateful for a dear husband who spent over an hour today making peach cobbler for his first time...just because I had a craving.  I am grateful that my children have a daddy who does shark hairdos on them: he divides the hair into sections representing the dorsal fin on top, the pectoral fins on the side, and the caudal fin in the back.  I am grateful we live close to the city and close to a great h.ospital.  I am grateful we were inspired to move out of Cordes and closer to Chris' work.    I am grateful that I am not in any real physical pain or feeling sick all the time.  I am grateful Chris is healthy and able to take care of us all.  I am grateful for fantastic health insurance and Chris' flexible work schedule.  I am grateful for the amazing ward in which we live.  Over 30 youth from the ward have come into our home over the past month to help watch our children. Their service has been incredible.  I am grateful for sweet neighbors who check in on me frequently and bring treats and toys to the little ones.  We are surrounded by so much love and support.  The words of President Uchtdorf's talk ring true: we can be grateful in any circumstance! 

  

I will be 19 weeks pregnant in a couple days!  Almost halfway there!  I consider each new week a blessing and one step closer to having our sweet baby girl :)  This past week, I have been listening to Christmas music every morning. I have also received a few emails about Christmas clothing and toy sales!  With every Christmas song and email, I am reminded that, "Yay!!  Christmas really is just around the corner!!"  Now, given any other year, I would be mortified by Christmas songs and sales in July, but this year, Christmas time means baby time...and it's coming sooner than you think!  Bed rest will not last forever...although some days feel like an eternity.  Sometimes I almost feel like an outsider, as I am not fully participating in the minute to minute care of my children and my house.  In a way, this has been a blessing. Stepping back from it all, I am able to see how sweet my children really are.  They are so easy to love when I don't have to deal with the tantrums, or make and serve their food, or clean the house with every spare moment.  I am able to just observe the cute things they do, lie down with them, read to them, and love them!  Don't get me wrong, I certainly wouldn't want to be a less active participant in the raising of my children forever.  But for this brief moment of time, I feel it has given me a new perspective. 

The kids have been so sweet.  Baby Weston is easy going and happy.  I think he knows now that Mommy can't pick him up, so he'll come over to the couch and give me hugs and kisses every so often...or he'll just lay his head down next to mine. He is my favorite little boy in the whole world.  Daddy mentioned a few weeks ago in Family Home Evening that Mom needs more hugs and kisses from everyone.  I think Miri really took that to heart.  She comes up to me throughout the day and gives me big kisses and Nina likes to lie down next to me and cuddle.  Today, Nina told me I was the best Mom ever.  :) And Chris has been a Superdad and husband through all of this.  He takes such good care of us and the house.  I feel so blessed to have such a man. 

Okay, now for something random and funny:  Yesterday, we watched a documentary about blue whales and other sea creatures.  I said, "Wow girls, did you know that blue whales are the biggest animals on earth!?"  Miri got all excited and asked, "Bigger than you Mom?!"  I laughed and explained that yes, blue whales are even bigger than Mommy.  :) 

Both Miri and Nina really want to name the baby, Cherry.  They are so  set on it.  I think that no matter what we name her, they just might continue to call her Cherry.  

Did I ever mention that we found out it's a girl?  Well, it is!  Another emotional bundle of drama and cuteness!  Oh, how we love little girls :) 

Quite a bit has happened since I last wrote.  About three weeks ago, we rushed to the ER due to a major bleed.  I was about to walk into the movie theater with the kids, when I felt blood rushing out of me.   I frantically called Chris and picked him up from work.  We dropped the kids off at a neighbor's house and made our way to the hospital.  I was sure it was a miscarriage...but after hours of tests and ultrasounds in the ER, they informed us the baby looked fine.   Not all good news though...I do have a large subchorionic hemorrhage.  They told me there's a 50/50 chance of a second trimester miscarriage...so be prepared!  My doctor was quite concerned and put me on modified bedrest until the hemorrhage heals...which could take the entire pregnancy...who knows?  I have to go into the doctor's every week for an ultrasound to monitor the bleed and the baby's growth.  I am hopeful that everything will be okay!  Being on bedrest has been quite interesting thus far.  I feel so helpless. Some days are better than others...some days, I feel downright depressed.  But, we will get through this the best we can!  I try to occupy my time with good books, family history, and naming contests.  My sweet parents and niece, Vera, traveled all the way down here to help with the kids, since I cannot do much.  Sadly, they have to leave in a couple days, at which point my ward family will be coming in to help.  I am so grateful for the Relief Society and their eagerness to serve.  I have felt great love and support during this time.  Sixteen weeks and counting.    

I don't know what it is with my two little girls lately, but man, they are crazy, hyper balls of energy!!  I don't know whether to get upset or to join in the craziness.   They run around the house while giggling their heads off, sing at the top of their lungs, race across the room as fast as they can, twirl around and around and around.  They like to put shirts on their heads and sing Follow the Prophet.  They grab wooden blocks and put them under their armpits and run around saying "I've got my funny bones on!"  I get so exhausted watching them.  I keep thinking to myself, okay, they can't keep this energy up for too long right?  But, they can!  They go on and on and on.  Today, I just had to grab Nina and hold her down in my lap for awhile, while she played with a small toy, just so we could have some peace around here.  But hey, I will take happy giggles and joyful craziness over crying, whining, and fighting any day!  Today, they found me lying on the bed and decided to bury me in pillows and blankets.  I didn't mind a bit.  I enjoyed the chance to lie down for awhile...even with a mountain of stuff on top of me.  I occasionally stretched my arm out from the blankets to pretend like I was trying to grab them...which kept them giggling and happy for a long time...with minimal effort on my part.

The other day, Daddy started up a familiar conversation with the girls: "I am going to the moon, and I am taking Mommy with me!"  Nina then said, "I am going to the moon, and I am taking Miri with me and cakes, and chocolates, and we will go shopping and then we will rot our brains."  We all laughed.  Oh how easily our kids pick up on certain phrases that we use.

 I made a tail for Miri's Ariel Barbie today.  She's been feeling pretty jealous of Nina's Ariel Barbie doll, which has a tail that is permanently attached to her.  I sewed up a cute, blue tail within a matter of minutes.  She was so excited and happy.  Now, Nina is jealous of the homemade tail that can come off and on.  You can't please everybody!  Nina is now begging me to make tails for all her Barbie dolls.

  

 The latest big news: we are expecting our fourth little bundle of joy!  (This explains why I haven't written for a month!  Severe demotivation sets in when I am pregnant.)  I am a little over 9 weeks along.  Baby is due December 22nd.  Talk about the best Christmas present ever!! We are so excited!  The girls keep kissing my belly and talking to the baby inside.  Miri is obsessed with the fact that the baby is naked inside my tummy.  She keeps telling me that we need to put clothes on him.  Hahaha :)  I continue to reassure her that when he comes out, we will put clothes on him.

We celebrated Nina's fourth birthday yesterday!  Daddy took the girls to see the movie, Bears, while I stayed home and made a big teddy bear cake.  It turned out so cute.  Nina had so much fun and sugar on her big special day, that by 5:30 she was an emotional wreck.  We quickly served the cake, opened presents, and sent her to bed.  Chris and I decided that if the party doesn't end in tears and tantrums then we didn't do a very good job :)    Every birthday and every holiday is a fun-filled, yet emotional experience for our girls.

Weston is learning how to climb up and down the stairs.  He is getting pretty good actually.  I spend a lot of time every day, going up and down and up and down with him. He thinks it is the funnest thing ever.  He is still so sweet and cuddly.  He is my only baby that has preferred to turn inwards, rather than outwards when holding him.  He likes to rest his head on my shoulder and give me little pats on the back.  I like to think he is saying, "good job Mom...good job."